Henry Cooper, The Boy Who Lived
by KesAFloyd
Summary: A crazy witch named Juniper Kalispell has gone rogue and published a book about the Boy Who Lived. The people in the book react to the semi-accurate account of their friend Henry’s first year at Hogwarts.
1. The Initial Reactions

THE DAILY PROPHET: HENRY COOPER'S STORY REVEALED TO MUGGLES IN BESTSELLING NEW BOOK  
  
It is very likely that, by now, you have heard of the new book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," by Juniper Kalispell. It is her take on the famous auror Henry Cooper's first year at Hogwarts, told as fiction. It has received nothing but rave reviews in the Muggle press, and many young wizards and witches are also falling under its spell.  
However, the Ministry is not thrilled. "This could mean the end of our ability to hide the magical world from the non-magical," said Minister of Magic Adriana Coldstone. "The witch named Juniper Kalispell has committed a severe breach in wizarding law by overtly introducing our world to the Muggles. Muggle children, for that matter."  
Everyone who knew Kalispell reports that she was a bit batty, but no one expected poverty to drive her to such desperate measures as to use our world as a setting for Muggle children's fiction.  
  
***  
At this point, Arnold Kelley put down the newspaper. Of course he had read the book, and enjoyed it. Most of it, anyway. His best friend Henry had been portrayed honorably, though in the case of his own portrayal, the book left something to be desired.  
He had NOT been that wimpy his first year at Hogwarts, and he didn't appreciate the image Juniper had painted of the impoverished red-headed family with many children. Racist idiot, she was.  
Arnold was staying with his brothers in the space above their Diagon Alley joke shop, and he now strolled down the stairs to see if he could borrow one of their owls to send a letter to Henry. He found Mark (or was it Ralph?) trying to convince a young boy that he really shouldn't use Fever Soap on someone who was already ill.  
"Hey, can I borrow Penny?" Arnold asked, leaning over the counter and interrupting Mark's conversation.  
"Sure."  
Arnold scribbled a note.  
  
Dear Henry,  
Did you see the article in the Daily Prophet about 'your' book (You have to know what I'm talking about)? I really think you should read it (the article and the book--READ THE BOOK, MATE, IT WON'T KILL YOU).  
  
Your friend, Arnold Kelley  
  
***  
For Ingeborg Knaussen, the Book was something to be studied. She forbade herself from enjoying It because It was so personal, so twisted. Instead, she analyzed It for the tactical advantage she could get by understanding the Enemy's product.  
She had seen too much Dark plotting in her short life to have come out without a rock-solid ability to take down the Enemy with logic and intelligence. Some would have said she was becoming prematurely paranoid, but that was her lot in life. Never show the Enemy any weakness, never run away, and never turn down an opportunity to collect Data.  
She was not quite done with the Book, and she read It analytically with one half of her mind, while the other half was engaged in extracting bubotubor puss in her home greenhouse. She thought it accurately portrayed the battle between Good and Evil that had already been brewing that first year when she, Henry, and Arnold had arrived at Hogwarts.  
She was keen, she was dangerous, and any Enemy who dared violate the sanctuary of her home at that moment would not have had a chance of defeating her.  
  
***  
Kenneth Darnell almost took a killing curse to his head after reading the very first chapter, but his father stopped him and advised him not to be flustered by stories about mud-bloods.  
  
***  
Xander Shute also hated the book, but it wasn't because Henry Cooper was the protagonist. In fact he was glad that Henry, his favorite (non- Slytherin) student, was finally getting the credit he deserved for his lifetime of heroics. Shute hated the book because of the way he was portrayed.  
Any one of the Potions Master's students, past or present, could testify that he was the most universally-liked teacher at Hogwarts. True, he could by mysterious and cold at times, but he was adored for his fine potions skill, dry sense of humor, and dedication to fairness.  
Come to think of it, Juniper was the only student of his who had ever really loathed him. Perhaps it was because he had played a few practical jokes on her father many years ago. It was just Shute's rotten luck that he should be introduced to the Muggle world through the distorted quill of that unfathomably hateful young woman. Since the book's public release, he had received scores of sympathy letters from students and Hogwarts alumni, but the damage was done. In the eyes of every Muggle who read Juniper's trashy adaptation of history, he was Severus Snape, the vengeful Potions Master from hell. Nothing could have been farther from the truth.  
  
***  
At the same time that Xander was getting depressed over personal injustices, Darrin Peasgood was attempting to be his own potions master and failing miserably. He was utterly enraptured by the book. He carried it around wherever he went. Every word on every page caught his attention and clung to his battered soul like honey to a cold spoon. He drank it all in, marveling that anyone like Juniper could be so meticulous and sympathetic to the rocky road Henry Cooper had traveled all those years. Darrin could not wait for the next book, and the next. He knew what the third would contain and prayed with all his heart that it would tell an accurate account of that dark year.  
Absentmindedly, Darrin added a few more dragon scales to his potion, and continued reading. What WAS the three headed dog guarding? Since this was the fifth time he had read the book, he knew, of course, that Fluffy was guarding the philospher's stone. The suspense was unbearable nonetheless. Of all the engrossing books in his small, carefully chosen library, this was the king, the trophy his shelves had been bare without for so many years.  
He was a hopeless fool and he knew it. But he loved the book with all his heart because it brought him back to those kinder, simpler days when poor Henry was still gentle and innocent, just beginning to spread his wings as an underage auror-in-training.  
Perched on his stool by the cauldron, the wiry man finished the chapter and, with a flood of angry frustration, realized he had just overcooked his Wolfsbane by a full half hour.  
  
***  
Someone had thought it funny to send Brackenridge McAlastor a jinxed copy of the book. If it was Moony, then the man had lost his comedic touch. Brack was too old and too wary of jinxes to think a book that made his nose hairs sing a different song with every page he turned was very funny.  
He rapped the book in several different ways with his wand, demanding that it reveal its secrets. Sticking his wand into the spine made the book go "neh, he, he," but no information regarding its sender was revealed. He stayed up all night, attempting to unlock its mysteries.  
He was interested in reading the book, assuming he could rid it of its enchantment. It finally dawned on him that all he had to do was remove his nose hairs. There were quite a few of them, but he soon discovered that being nose-hairless had its advantages.  
Upon reading the book, Brack found it to be a bunch of rubbish, mainly because it completely distorted the relationship between Gryffindor and Slytherin houses, and made Xander Shute, the greatest guy in the world, out to be a greasy git.  
  
***  
Henry Cooper himself had not yet read "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," though his friend Arnold had been bugging him to do it for several weeks now. If he had read the book, he would have found it shocking that his aunt and uncle were portrayed in such a mild way. When he had survived Voldemort's killing curse, no mark had been left on him. It was his relatives who had created the cross scar on his forehead. Henry would have been forced to admit though, that since it was a children's book, the whippings and cuttings to release the wicked spirits from his body had been omitted for a reason.  
He would also have been deeply disturbed by the fact that Juniper Kalispell, who had been three years ahead of him in school and in Ravenclaw, knew his inner thoughts and private experiences with stunning accuracy. This fact seemed to have avoided the thoughts of most readers, who assumed Juniper had been close to Henry throughout their Hogwarts years, and part of his daring escapades. In fact, no bond of friendship had ever been present between them. 


	2. Juniper Kalispell's Trial

Many years passed. The Ministry of Magic sent Kalispell threatening letters and kept a close watch on her, but it wasn't until the publication of her fifth book that the High Court of the Wizangamut became personally offended and agreed to try her for the charges she had long ago been accused of.  
Kalispell did not come of her own will, despite the owl sent to her describing the horrible things that would be done if she failed to appear for her trial. The morning of the trial, a guard of aurors was sent to her mansion in Edinburgh ("Muggle-loving new rich.") to round her up.  
Now, she sat in the chair with chains, though not bound up. The chains had been used only once since the second demise of Voldemort, for a very violent criminal. Kalispell was bursting with rebellious energy, but was not quite violent yet.  
"Juniper Kalispell," said the Ministry's chief investigator, Maurice Cooke, "For many years now, you have been accused of intentionally delivering wizard-related intelligence to the Muggle world."  
Kalispell looked as if she were trying to suppress a snort.  
"As of this date, you have written and published five books of the 'Harry Potter' series. While you are not on trial for privacy infringement, this court would be very curious to know how you learned so much about the private life of Henry Cooper."  
"I'm sure you are. But since that's not what I'm on trial for, I don't see any reason to answer."  
"Be careful, Ms. Kalispell. You are in a delicate position. It is the court's responsibility to make sure that your fame and wealth do not allow you to feel that you may freely disregard wizarding law."  
"Snap my wand in two if you want. I'm the second richest Muggle woman in Great Britain."  
"Ah, but therein lies the problem. You are not a Muggle, and are therefore subject to wizarding law as a citizen of our world."  
"Hah! What a joke!" she spat. "If you expect me to act like a citizen, then do away with the Werewolf Code and make me one!"  
A few of the less-informed members of the audience suddenly realized they had to use the toilet very badly.  
"Your citizenship is not the subject of this trial. Back to the matter at hand, what have you to say in defense of your books?"  
"Everyone loves them. Muggle children are singing the praises of magic. They know our world exists and they're not afraid of it. Magical children now have a better grasp of recent history. My books are drawing the worlds together with a promise of peace that no ambassador has ever succeeded in bringing."  
"If your intention was to inform children...Muggles...about the truth, then why is the book such an inaccurate account of recent history?"  
Kalispell was silent. Then she answered, "dramatic license, sir."  
"The court has on file nearly fifty separate complaints against you from persons who feel their reputations or interests have been tarnished due to the way they were portrayed in your books."  
"I'm sorry that some can't accept that they're a part of recent history," she answered under her breath.  
"The court reminds you to be cautious, Ms. Kalispell. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Your status as a registered lycanthrope does not sit well in the stomachs of the jury."  
Kalispell glared at Cooke.  
"Now," Cooke continued, "We will begin hearing testimony from individuals the prosecution has selected. First, Xander Shute, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, formerly the Potions professor at said school."  
A tall man with black hair, wearing green wizard robes and a pointy hat, stood up from where he sat on the balcony and smoothly walked down the iron spiral staircase that led to the floor of the chamber. An unidentified young voice shouted from the balcony, "We love you, Headmaster Shute!"  
Shute stood a few paces in front of Kalispell's chair to give his testimony. He addressed the jury and audience in an unwaveringly calm voice, and Kalispell could tell that he was using an immense amount of self- control to keep himself from losing his temper.  
"I was disappointed upon reading the first book," he testified. "I believe that it has some merit as a work of historical fiction, but that as a true account of history, it has been mis-marketed. The following four books, and yes, I have read them, are equally misleading. They are adventure romps of the highest quality, and if I were a younger man, I am sure I would find them most engrossing. However, I am very concerned that children who read the books receive the wrong message about many of the characters, particularly Slytherin ones. As the court may know, the Hogwarts houses of Slytherin and Gryffindor have enjoyed a kind of friendly competition since time immemorial. If such a thing as this brutal rivalry described in Kalispell's books ever developed in my school, I would be shocked, and would quickly put an end to it."  
"Do you feel Juniper Kalispell's books have injured you personally, Headmaster Shute? We all know which character is supposed to represent you." Cooke didn't want to beat around the bush any longer.  
"I will not lie. I was deeply insulted after the publication of 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.' Naturally, I would love to believe that Professor Severus Snape does not represent me in the slightest. However, I have come to realize that I am, like so many others, only an unfortunate bludger in this vast game of political Quidditch Kalispell plays. I no longer feel personally affronted, only disappointed that she could not find a more civilized strategy for getting her messages across."  
"And the books themselves? Do you believe they should be removed from the market?"  
"No. And do you what to know why, Mr. Cooke? I've seen too much Muggle abuse in my time by fanatics who claim to be acting in the name of Salazar Slytherin. The books give the very positive message that that sort of behavior aught not to be tolerated. Kalispell may have communicated this at the expense of Slytherin house, but it is a very important message nonetheless. I am finished."  
Shute strode back to the staircase, climbed it fluidly, and returned to his seat. Cooke seemed disappointed. His primary witness had turned against him unexpectantly.  
"Does anyone else wish to testify in favor of the prosecution?" he stressed 'in favor.'  
A man several rows over from Shute stood up.  
"Please state your full name, age, and occupation."  
"Kenneth Jacob Darnell. Thirty-four. I don't need to work."  
"You may take the stand."  
Shute eyed Darnell after he had apparated down to the ground floor. He looked just like his father now. His blond hair had grown long, and he wore a heavy cloak of the finest black material, clasped with an expensive silver brooch wrought in the shape of a snake. After the Dark Lord himself, this man's family was most responsible for giving Slytherin its bad name. In this modern era, few Pureblood families dared be as overtly prejudiced as his was, and in fact, most Slytherins were of mixed-race and no more concerned with blood lines than any other wizards. That was the grand misconception that tainted the Harry Potter series. True, Slytherin contained rotten eggs such as Lawrence and Kenneth Darnell, but few in the house were as dark as Kalispell portrayed.  
"Destroy yourself," Shute whispered as Kenneth began to speak.  
"It is an unfortunate day in the wizarding world when a half-breed werewolf becomes the children's only source of information. I have read all five of Kalispell's books, though it was very difficult to do, and I have forbidden my own children from laying eyes on them. They preach tolerance toward Muggles and creatures of low status, namely house elves and werewolves like Kalispell herself."  
"Good boy," whispered Shute, "You never had your father's tact, and you refused to learn from me."  
"I find it infuriating, particularly in book number four, that my family's good name is tarnished by suggestions that we were Death Eaters, that it was 'obvious' that my father was among the group that hazed the Muggle family the night after the Quidditch World Cup, and 'obvious' that he was there at the graveyard during Voldemort's unfortunate return. We were under the Imperius curse during our association with the Dark Lord, and I assure you we never returned to him of our own free will. Of course, there are some in this court who would disagree with that."  
"Insulting the high court is always a good strategy. Old Bailegleann just barely got away with it, and look where he is now." Shute immediately felt horrible for his private joke about the late headmaster. He shouldn't make fun of Morgan Bailegleann, the man who had given him a second chance at life. Amazing grace.  
"That will be enough, Mr. Darnell." Cooke was becoming more and more infuriated as each of his witnesses deconstructed his case. It was all he could do as an ostensibly fair man to call, "Any witnesses for the defense?"  
The hall was quiet. Everyone was convinced the previous two witnesses had been perfectly adequate for that purpose. Finally, though, a voice called from the back of the room, "I want to!"  
"Very well. State your full name, age, and occupation."  
"Darrin James Peasgood. Fifty-two. Henry Cooper's personal secretary."  
"Do you accept this witness, Ms. Kalispell?"  
"Yes."  
Peasgood rose and walked down the iron staircase unassumingly, and a bit self-consciously. Despite the fact that he appeared to be employed at the moment, he had made no effort over the years to improve his style of dress. He had worn his best robes for the trial, and even these were simple and worn. His long white hair was tied back with a scrap of cloth.  
He stood on the floor next to Kalispell and stared up at Cooke and the jury. There were dark circles beneath his kind grey eyes, and though he was the same age as Shute, he looked twenty years older.  
"May I begin?" he finally asked.  
"Yes. Begin, Mr. Peasgood," Cooke growled.  
"I won't lie," he began. "I love these books. And it's just as everyone has been saying: they teach tolerance. I've seen the rise and fall of the Dark Lord twice in my life, and I've learned that there's nothing as precious as the bonds of trust and friendship that form in the darkest of times. Those bonds can exist between any kinds of people: between members of different Hogwarts houses, between people of different races, between Purebloods and non-Purebloods, even between wizards and Muggles. That's an important thing to remember.  
"I know you all think I'm biased because I'm a werewolf like Ms. Kalispell here. You think I'm just enthralled because she makes the suggestion that we're people too, that we deserve full rights as citizens of the wizarding world. Well, surprise, I am biased. This remarkable woman has had the daring to say what we've all been whispering since the beginnings of the civil rights movements that have occurred all over the world in many different forms."  
"Mr. Peasgood, do not turn my court into a werewolf rights campaign forum."  
"I'm testifying, sir, and this is what I have to say." Peasgood turned to face Kalispell. "You are the bravest woman I have ever met. Even if you lose this trial, don't let the story get bottled up inside you. I'm not sure you made the best choices when you modified characters, but you have the right idea. Any book that appeals to magical folk and Muggles alike has got to be woven out of some incredibly rare, priceless thread, and I hope you never lose your talent for finding that material."  
Peasgood paced off to the staircase in the same unassuming manner that had characterized his walk before.  
"Very well," grouched Cooke. "Are there any other witnesses for the defense?"  
He waited a few seconds.  
"Then, is the jury ready to make a decision?"  
There was a light murmur of assent.  
"All in favor of acquittal?"  
Most of the hands went up. A clear majority. "Juniper Kalispell, by order of the High Court of the Wizengamut, you have been cleared of all charges brought to you on this date. Court adjourned." Cooke rapped his gavel. As the jury and audience filed out, Cooke leaned over the balcony at Kalispell and demanded, "When, in Merlin's name, is the sixth book coming out?" 


End file.
